Love is Difficult
by blondebarbie34
Summary: Jacob and Renesmee love each other dearly, but can their love withstand the ultimate test... the test of time?
1. Loving Him

**Chapter 1**

I looked up at the night sky, but after a few moments it began to drizzle slightly. I laughed out of pure spite and looked over at him. I always got this feeling when his eyes met mine, that feeling when you know someone really loves you with all of their heart. There was absolutely no doubt about it, I loved him too, and so did my parents, despite the odd circumstances and age difference.

"You look beautiful babe," he commented me, but he didn't need to say it aloud, I already knew what he was going to say before the words came out of his mouth. "I mean, you're always the most beautiful woman, but I think you look the best under the moonlight. I love you Renesmee Cullen."

"I love you too Jacob Black, you're my knight in shining armor," I laughed, I loved the way we were both so carefree and silly around each other. We were so different though, but also the same in many ways. He was a werewolf (well, not technically, but there's really no other way to explain it that I fully understand) and I was, well I was unique we'll just say. I'm half-human and half-vampire and although I'm not the only one of my kind, you could still say I'm quite exquisite. You see, my father is a vampire and when I was conceived, my mother was still human. After she gave birth to me, she would have died, but in order to save her, my father turned her into a vampire like him. But they're no "normal" vampires, no, they're vege-vamps (that's the name I came up with for them! haha)… they feast on animals like bears and mountain cats and the likes of that, instead of poor humans.

My family consists of vampires like them, I'll just give you a list: Edward (My father, tall with bronze colored hair and pale (well they're all pale, so I'll just say that now). He is able to read everyone's mind, except for my mother's.), Isabella (Or Bella as she preferred, my mother, who was average height with brown hair and could basically create a force field to shield herself and others from danger. Hey, sometimes it was extremely helpful in our world.), Alice (My aunt, short with jet black hair and fine pixie-like features. She was able to see into the future (with some limits and other "rules" as we liked to call them.), Jasper (My uncle, Alice's mate. He had the power to control other's emotions. Very creepy, believe me!), Emmett (Another uncle, he was huge, but sadly no "special" powers or anything of the like came along with him.), Rosalie (Emmett's mate and my very loving aunt, although she possessed no extraordinary powers or anything like that, she was beautiful beyond comparison.), Carlisle (My amazing grandfather, he was a doctor (very ironic in the fact that most vampires became wild when the smell blood, but he was very well trained through the hundreds of years he had been dealing with clumsy humans) and a very great one at that!), and Esme (My grandmother, but she hated being called that, in fact all of my family members, except my father and mother, preferred that I call them by their first name.)

"Nessie, I think we should be getting inside before it starts raining any harder."

"But Jake you know how much I love the rain."

"Yes, but you know how angry your father gets when you come home all wet dear."

"Fine, you win, but next time we come out here and it rains, like it always does, we're going to stay until I say so, okay?" I looked at him with pleading eyes.

"Okay I promise," he sighed and pretended he was annoyed by this.

"No, you have to pinky promise!"

"Okay okay, I pinky promise, is that better?" He offered his pinky to me and I intertwined mine with his.

"Yes much better Jake."

"I don't know what I'd do without you Nessie."

"Same here Jacob, same here," I said and he picked me up and we began the walk back to my house.


	2. Grit Your Teeth

Chapter 2 :)

I waited impatiently, checking my watch and cell phone every few seconds for Jake. "Come on," I muttered to myself, my patience wearing thinner every minute that passed by and he didn't show up.

_Our song is the slamming screen door…_My phone rang and vibrated in my pocket, I pulled it out and answered, "Finally, thanks for calling."

"Look, Nessie, I'm really sorry, but I'm on my way now. There is umm, well a problem, but I'll explain everything when I get there okay?" He sounded highly upset and overly anxious, I knew now wasn't really the time to argue with him over not picking me up on time.

"Okay," I sighed into the phone and flipped it closed, rubbing the sides of my head, something I had picked up from my father, who was constantly over-worried about one thing or another. And he was usually worrying about me.

Jake finally pulled up five minutes later and I hopped into the car.

"What happened? Tell me everything." I looked over at him, worry creased every line in his face, he leaned over and pecked me quickly on the cheek.

"Nessie, our families, they got together today. Alice, she saw… well, she had a vision that the Volturi are coming. They're coming to check on you, to see if you've been changed yet, changed into… one of them," He sighed and concentrated hard on the road ahead, not once letting his eyes stray to my face, or elsewhere. But I focused my eyes on him, and him only.

"Nnnnoooo," I stuttered, unable to form the words I wanted so dearly to say. I finally took a breath, "they can't, I don't want to change. I like being me, why can't anyone accept that," I felt the rush of tears coming on, Jake pulled over onto the side of the deserted road.

"I'm scared for us, what's going to happen if they make you change? What if it changes everything we have. I mean, vampires and werewolves, we're sworn enemies, Nessie, we're not meant to like each other, much less love each other or collaborate together. It goes against everything we both are, the world that has been created for each of us. This isn't even supposed to be like this now, but when you get turned to a full vampire…" he leaned his head on the steering wheel, his shoulders slumped over. I scooted over and nestled myself into his lap.

"I wish we could go somewhere else, hide, but you can't escape the Volturi like that. If they want to find you, they will, and you can't do anything," he looked up at me and traced his thumb along my cheeks wiping off the tears.

"I will protect you, I don't care if I die doing it, if you don't want to become a vampire, then dammit, I won't let them turn you into one. I'll die protecting you," his face was set in a hard line, he was determined, there was something I both loved and hated about seeing him like this, I couldn't explain it though.

"Jake," I sighed and turned my head to kiss him, he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in tighter and intensifying the kiss. His lips moved down my throat, his hands searching, wanting more. "We better get going, we can continue this at my house, but I'm kind of like suddenly starving," I pulled away and crawled back over to the passenger side.

"Aww, Nessie, always in the heat of the moment something pops up with you," He laughed, he was calmer now, or he was trying to hide his emotions, something that usually wasn't possible around me. I put my hand on his face, letting him see how much I loved him, he sighed, content for now. "I love you too, more than you know, Renesmee Cullen," and with that, he pulled back onto the road, which was still just as deserted, pretty much like always, I mean it was Forks, what could you expect from us?

I used lyrics from Taylor Swift's "Our Song"! so thanks TS!

PLZ PLZ PLZ review, already wrote chpt 3... just waiting to post! :)


	3. Understanding Reassurance

Chapter 3

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I was running, running away from something, yet I could only see the backside of myself. I tripped and fell into a black puddle, something that was not normal for me, I was half vampire, not as graceful as a full vampire, but I was far from being a clumsy person. The aura I was giving off was one of pure fear, hatred, and something else, the deepest sadness. The feeling was so strong and I was so unaccustomed to it, it cut me like a knife. The wound kept getting deeper, it was like someone had stuck it in my heart and kept stabbing, trying to wrench it in two. At that moment, I turned and looked a double of myself, but it wasn't me. It was a creature far more beautiful. Her skin was snow white and her eyes, her eyes were a horrible shade of red. A beam of sunlight fell down upon her face and it glittered, more than mine had ever glittered before. I was changed, a full vampire.

I woke with a start, my breathing heavy. Jake's hand hugged my body close to his. My stomach grumbled and I got up and walked to the bathroom where I splashed cold water on my face and sat down, thinking about how last night had gone…

Jake pulled in front of my family's house and got out and opened my door.

"Look at me Nessie. Everything's going to be okay. We'll convince them that you don't need to be changed, that you're perfect just the way you are," he pulled me into him and gave a soft squeeze and bent down to kiss me quickly, but tenderly on the lips.

"I wish it was that simple, I really do. But I'm afraid that it won't be,"my insides quivered, afraid of what was to come for me, but also for Jake too.

My father, Edward opened the door before I could twist the knob, his face tense. He hugged me and nodded at Jake, answering a question that only the two of them knew.

"Renesmee," he breathed, grabbing my hand and pulling me inside to where the rest of my vampire family quietly sat, despair flooding every one of their perfect faces.

It made my stomach flip to see this side of my family in this condition and especially to know that it was my fault for their misery. My father shook his head and bent down to murmur quietly in my ear, "none of this is your fault Nessie. It's no one's fault but the Volturi's for putting all of us in this situation dear." I broke from his embrace and sat down on the couch, next to my mother.

She took my warm hand in both of her cool ones and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Ever since you were born, you have given us more joy than anyone in this room thought possible. We have all loved at one point, but you brought with you a different kind of love. A warm, innocent love; no one you have met has ever been able to escape you without taking one look upon your angelic face and loving you. Loving you enough to risk everything they have to keep you safe. To keep your heart fluttering," she always knew what to say. I looked around at each member of this part of my family, and could tell that under the despair, I was indeed very loved and to my relief, I could also tell that no one felt that this was at all my fault. When I caught Jake's face though, he was frowning, deep in thought. At that moment, like so many before it, I wished I possessed my father's uncanny ability to read others' minds.

I knew that my vampire family didn't want me to change into a full vampire like they were, but I also knew that sometimes they thought it would in fact be the best path to take. Jake's family, the other half of my family, thought very differently. What would happen to Jake and me if I was changed? Vampire venom was poisonous to his kind, if we were to be together after I was changed, he would be signing his own death warrant. And if anything, I knew in my heart, that I loved him too much to let that happen.

I would not, could not, let the Volturi change me. But, how was I supposed to prove that to them? They already knew I would stay locked in this form for a long time, as long at least as Nahuel stayed his age also.

Until I had to go and visit the Volturi though, I promised myself that I would do anything to make my Jacob happy. I glanced quickly up at my father and he gave me a quick, but stern look. Okay, well almost anything to make him happy. Actually now that I thought about it, my father would just have to deal. He heard me think this and gave me a look filled with black fury. He would never want me to grow up that much.

I pressed my hand to his marble facial skin and let him see what I was thinking. He sighed and pulled my hand away from himself. He would learn to deal with whatever Jake and I did like that. After all, this was my life as a half-vampire, and I might not have that much longer to live this life with my Jacob. He could at least relate to that train of thought. He knew how hard it was to not be with the one you loved. Except that unlike me, in the end, he actually attained his happy ending and got to spend forever with his other half. He threw me a quick and also sympathetically understanding look. He would let me express myself to Jacob, and that was all I was asking for at that moment.

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**XOXO,**

**blonde barbie.**


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